Isn’t it interesting how, with the flip of a calendar page, there can be new energy and possibilities? The last few weeks have contained a host of opportunities to reflect on the past year: lists of the best books, movies, music of 2021; most clicked-on news stories, famous people who died, people who made a difference in the world and in their communities…. 

As the end of December approached, the inevitable new year’s resolution stories began to appear alongside these year in review stories. I don’t know about you, but when I think back to all of the resolutions I have made over the years (some of them on January 1, most of them not!), most of them have dealt in absolutes and/or measurables – stop doing/eating this or that, lose x number of pounds, exercise/write/meditate x number of times per week for y minutes…Although my intentions were good, I had created rigid and unreasonable expectations for myself, and failed to account for the ways that energy, time and focus ebb and flow through life.

I’ve been thinking and writing a lot over the past year – about resilience, healing, growth, self-care, choices, patterns, awareness – plus a whole lot more. Through the process of my work and of my writing I’ve learned a lot about what works (and what doesn’t!) when it comes to human beings making sustainable changes in their lives. The relationship we have with ourselves is the most complicated and intimate relationship of our life, and it can be guided by many of the same principles we use in our other relationships. Listening with love and compassion is much more effective than judging and giving ultimatums. 

I’m going to keep that in mind as I think about my goals for the coming year and shift the word “resolution” to “intention.” I’m thinking about what brings me joy, what I want more of, and considering also the things that drain me, that I want less of. What will create the scaffolding to support me, to sustain my commitment to these intentions through the inevitable ups and downs of the coming weeks and months? What are ways I can remind myself of my gifts and skills when I am mired in self-doubt? How can I best harness my energy and stay focused through the good times and the challenges? There can’t be any hard and fast rules, just a willingness to check in, to be open to reality and to the choices that are present in each moment, to ask if this choice sustains and grows, or shrinks and diminishes, and to do all of this with unconditional love for myself. 

What are your intentions for the coming year? What do you want more of? What do you want less of? What strengthens your foundations? What chips away at them? What do you love about yourself?

What if the big changes we would like to experience take place one small choice at a time?

Here are a few ideas from The Guardian for inspiration – enjoy!